today i wasn't there.

Today it hit me.

I had to call into my girls doctors appointment. I have been at every single appointment. I fought their fights when they had no voice. I have taken notes, asked the questions, I have been there.

And today I wasnt.

As soon as I hung up the phone I burst into tears.

Being a mom is effing hard.

If you are a stay at home mom you are shamed for not working. I'f you are a working mom you are shamed for not being home. There is not happy medium.

Motherhood is hard no matter what your situation. No matter how active a mother you are, you will miss something. It's the weight we let that guilt have, that will impact us going forward.

Tonight as I reflect, I know that missing one appointment doesnt define me as a mom or a person. It's how i raise them that matters.

It's how they act when i am not around.

So tonight as you lay your head down, remind yourself, we all do the best we can with what we have, and that is enough. And so are you.

Comments

Sitting in the calm, after a storm.

Finding who you are outside of parenthood, yet still in your marriage, yet still an individual, and yet still not knowing who you are. is harder than it is to make sense of that statement. We have been exploring something in couples counseling about desire and how it's hard to be desired when your proximity is so close. Add parents of 2 children under the age of 6 life is a lot. as we prepare to bring them both back to school, oh gosh I'm crying just writing this, it's a whole new season. The up all night the hospital stays, the being without each other all the time, is less frequent and being in the calm is more. For us, we know how to do marriage in the chaos. We know how did your marriage in the hospital. We know how to do marriage in the, oh my God how are we gonna get through this. the calm........ This is where we struggle. If you're new to this page you might not know that Ryan and I met in were moved in within 3 weeks. we loved each other so fier

to be candid in a world full of perfection......

I often find myself longing for those beautiful candid pictures I see on my scroll. Lovingly looking at my children captured in a magical light, where I obviously look beyond stunning, in my perfectly paired outfit. When packing I found myself, gravitating towards 6 inch heels, work clothes, and makeup. Why? Because my niece the snap chat wiz would be with me, and she could take all the stunning candids of me on vaca. I explained to Ryan when packing, these clothes that haven't been worn in years, and heels that still had the price tags on them, it's for the gram. Maybe some pictures with my ketones showing you how amazingly glamorous my life became as soon as I took the first sip. So when I saw him taking my picture on the beach, I was giddy. Almost teary eyed. Here it was. the perfect picture that shows what my life is like behind the scenes. Its gonna be awesome. I was so excited to look at my phone to see candids and the pictures a woman on the beach took of u

quick fixes.

Today I got a glimpse at what life used to feel like. By 7am I felt my blood boiling. A toddler that speaks fluent whine and 4.5 yo who has the sas of me as a teenager, I became quickly overwhelmed. As I felt the anger built up I refocused my mind, i redirected the whiner and helped the 4.5 yo solve her problem of her clothing being all disgusting.... and surprisingly we were at breakfast 30 minutes early. I felt so amazing. Like I beat the system, I had that moment of mom joy. Got groceriesand home by noon, all to have everything crumble. As I walked in the door I felt my face swelling and quickly realized I was in a full blown allergic reaction to God knows what. Popped some benadryl all to realize a) its day time and b) my children hate naps. So there I was helpless and so tired my eyes burned. I could do nothing but sit on the couch and succumb to the benadryl drowsiness. When I opened my eyes I realized my house had been trashed and my basement was full of 2 inches o

Just Enough Crunch

Search This Blog