Just Enough Crunch

Lately I have so much guilt on my heart. I never thought I would choose being a working mom over a stay at home mama. When I left corporate America 3 years ago, i said never again. I couldn't imagine ever not being here for my babies. Fate found me in a grocery store one day in June. I walked in to get food for a friend in need, and out with a job interview. I remember getting in the car and being so unbelievably excited, yet so very guilty. I didnt even think about care for my kids I just was excited to do something that I was passionate about. But I wanted to keep a secret. I was scared of judgement from being so vocal about leaving a full time job for a stay at home gig. Would people think I failed ? Would they question my income? Would they gossip? It became a spiral leading to no where good. Last week I found myself questioning am I still a mom if one child is at camp gigi while the other is at daycare? And the worst part, I freaking love my job. So leav

Motherhood is hard. In the age of social media it can be so intensely isolating. I meet moms every week that want to know why we dont talk about the hard stuff more. Why dont we comfort each other by sharing our mom insecurities. Why do we all pretend it's easy? After the 3rd hour of trying to get the kids to sleep, I ended up driving them around for 90 minutes. I would say about 79 of those minutes at least one of them if not both were crying. It was brutal... and I will be real I sobbed the whole time too. Gone are the days of just worrying about ourselves, and the tired we felt at 22 is the rested we wish for now. But it's in these moments we grow. we become more well seasoned moms. One day we will beg our kids to spend more time with us. And ache for the snuggles they use for leverage right now to avoid going to bed. This does not mean it's easy or that one day you will say it was all worth it. All it means is that motherhood is hard. That mother you

Hey it's me. A girl that cares way to much about what people think. I am an overthinker. And overcarer. And an eternal optimist. If I was standing naked in a courtyard and someone else said they were cold, I would find a shirt for them before myself. I am extra like that. I aim to make others happy, yet struggle to find my voice to do the same for myself. thus why i am doing all the therapy right now. like for rea,l Mondays I spend almost three hours in therapy between my own, kensie's, and parent therapy. It's intense. My therapist says I am that person who has all the plates spinning on sticks and i am just trying to keep them all spinning. One is bound to break... It's just figuring out which one you want to protect vs. the ones you want to let go.... a few plates have been broken recently and its been a tough adjustment. Recently, I made a huge decision leaving behind a business people knew me for. A business that paid our bills. A business that gave me a platform

I have grown up at a pool. I have never been uncomfortable in a bathingsuit. Like ever. I am more comfortable in a bathingsuit then normal clothes. Then this year happened. For the first time in my life I didnt want to wear a bathingsuit. I couldn't even find one that fit me right. I went swimming once in a suit this year. Once. At the place I worked in a bathingsuit for 5 years I found myself hiding in the water. Constantly pulling it down. Making sure I was covered. Snd t hat was it. I would send Ryan with the girls and I would make excuses why I couldn't go. It went on for a few weeks. Then Ryan called me out. In that moment I knew I was in a dark place. My hatred for my body was so extreme that I was not doing my most favorite things in life. I have recently made some life changes that are about me getting back to me. All the therapy, a new eating lifestyle, ketones, and all the self love via personal development. So today when I tried on another one p