Skip to main content

to be candid in a world full of perfection......

I often find myself longing for those beautiful candid pictures I see on my scroll.
Lovingly looking at my children captured in a magical light, where I obviously look beyond stunning, in my perfectly paired outfit.
When packing I found myself, gravitating towards 6 inch heels, work clothes, and makeup. Why? Because my niece the snap chat wiz would be with me, and she could take all the stunning candids of me on vaca.
I explained to Ryan when packing, these clothes that haven't been worn in years, and heels that still had the price tags on them, it's for the gram. Maybe some pictures with my ketones showing you how amazingly glamorous my life became as soon as I took the first sip.
So when I saw him taking my picture on the beach, I was giddy. Almost teary eyed. Here it was. the perfect picture that shows what my life is like behind the scenes. Its gonna be awesome. I was so excited to look at my phone to see candids and the pictures a woman on the beach took of us on the beach. In my head I was planning where I was gonna hang this stunning portrait captured as the sun was setting over the water.
Then I saw it. I had this pit in my stomach. Is that what I look like ? That looks nothing like the photos I take. Am I living in a false reality? Bc looks like those pictures on the cover of national Enquirer .... headline reads.... celebrities on the beach. What they really look like. Shocking pictures inside.
Something told me to speak up when I was looking through the pictures. All that came out was thank you. The only words I could find where thank you as I was staring at pictures that I found terribly unflattering.
Then I found myself asking, why did you take the picture. Hes response, I thought you all looked cute.
Silence.
We cant ask for candids and expect posed. This isnt vogue and we aren't the Kardashians. I can't share with you that my life is glamorous because I drink a drink, because it's not, my life is real. Not staged.

I find myself embracing the joy of now, instead of seeking the after picture praise. from the changes I have made in the last few months, I find myself sobbing tears of joy at least once a day. I can throw on a outfit without spending hours wondering is this going to showcase my success.
Because here's the truth nothing can show you my success of the last few months. It's all internal. It's all the hard shit that doesnt show up in a picture. It shows up in moments like this.
I am able to look past the imperfections of a picture and see the moment where my daughter got to walk in the ocean for the first time. Feel the laughter from my jiggly belly of when she thought the boats were sharks. And share the gratitude I have towards my husband for taking the picture.
So friends, when you ask for a candid look at your life, be thankful when you get that. Take it in the beauty of the imperfections of reality.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Sitting in the calm, after a storm.

Finding who you are outside of parenthood, yet still in your marriage, yet still an individual, and yet still not knowing who you are. is harder than it is to make sense of that statement. We have been exploring something in couples counseling about desire and how it's hard to be desired when your proximity is so close. Add parents of 2 children under the age of 6 life is a lot.  as we prepare to bring them both back to school, oh gosh I'm crying just writing this, it's a whole new season. The up all night the hospital stays, the being without each other all the time, is less frequent and being in the calm is more. For us, we know how to do marriage in the chaos. We know how did your marriage in the hospital. We know how to do marriage in the, oh my God how are we gonna get through this. the calm........  This is where we struggle. If you're new to this page you might not know that Ryan and I met in were moved in within 3 weeks. we loved each other so fier...
Post a Comment
Read more

Shattered

Hey it's me. A girl that cares way to much about what people think. I am an overthinker. And overcarer. And an eternal optimist. If I was standing naked in a courtyard and someone else said they were cold, I would find a shirt for them before myself. I am extra like that. I aim to make others happy, yet struggle to find my voice to do the same for myself. thus why i am doing all the therapy right now. like for rea,l Mondays I spend almost three hours in therapy between my own, kensie's, and parent therapy. It's intense. My therapist says I am that person who has all the plates spinning on sticks and i am just trying to keep them all spinning. One is bound to break... It's just figuring out which one you want to protect vs. the ones you want to let go.... a few plates have been broken recently and its been a tough adjustment. Recently, I made a huge decision leaving behind a business people knew me for. A business that paid our bills. A business that gave me a platform ...
Post a Comment
Read more

The guilt of enjoying going to work.

Lately I have so much guilt on my heart. I never thought I would choose being a working mom over a stay at home mama. When I left corporate America 3 years ago, i said never again. I couldn't imagine ever not being here for my babies. Fate found me in a grocery store one day in June. I walked in to get food for a friend in need, and out with a job interview. I remember getting in the car and being so unbelievably excited, yet so very guilty. I didnt even think about care for my kids I just was excited to do something that I was passionate about. But I wanted to keep a secret. I was scared of judgement from being so vocal about leaving a full time job for a stay at home gig. Would people think I failed ? Would they question my income? Would they gossip? It became a spiral leading to no where good. Last week I found myself questioning am I still a mom if one child is at camp gigi while the other is at daycare? And the worst part, I freaking love my job. So leav...
Post a Comment
Read more