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to be candid in a world full of perfection......

I often find myself longing for those beautiful candid pictures I see on my scroll.
Lovingly looking at my children captured in a magical light, where I obviously look beyond stunning, in my perfectly paired outfit.
When packing I found myself, gravitating towards 6 inch heels, work clothes, and makeup. Why? Because my niece the snap chat wiz would be with me, and she could take all the stunning candids of me on vaca.
I explained to Ryan when packing, these clothes that haven't been worn in years, and heels that still had the price tags on them, it's for the gram. Maybe some pictures with my ketones showing you how amazingly glamorous my life became as soon as I took the first sip.
So when I saw him taking my picture on the beach, I was giddy. Almost teary eyed. Here it was. the perfect picture that shows what my life is like behind the scenes. Its gonna be awesome. I was so excited to look at my phone to see candids and the pictures a woman on the beach took of us on the beach. In my head I was planning where I was gonna hang this stunning portrait captured as the sun was setting over the water.
Then I saw it. I had this pit in my stomach. Is that what I look like ? That looks nothing like the photos I take. Am I living in a false reality? Bc looks like those pictures on the cover of national Enquirer .... headline reads.... celebrities on the beach. What they really look like. Shocking pictures inside.
Something told me to speak up when I was looking through the pictures. All that came out was thank you. The only words I could find where thank you as I was staring at pictures that I found terribly unflattering.
Then I found myself asking, why did you take the picture. Hes response, I thought you all looked cute.
Silence.
We cant ask for candids and expect posed. This isnt vogue and we aren't the Kardashians. I can't share with you that my life is glamorous because I drink a drink, because it's not, my life is real. Not staged.

I find myself embracing the joy of now, instead of seeking the after picture praise. from the changes I have made in the last few months, I find myself sobbing tears of joy at least once a day. I can throw on a outfit without spending hours wondering is this going to showcase my success.
Because here's the truth nothing can show you my success of the last few months. It's all internal. It's all the hard shit that doesnt show up in a picture. It shows up in moments like this.
I am able to look past the imperfections of a picture and see the moment where my daughter got to walk in the ocean for the first time. Feel the laughter from my jiggly belly of when she thought the boats were sharks. And share the gratitude I have towards my husband for taking the picture.
So friends, when you ask for a candid look at your life, be thankful when you get that. Take it in the beauty of the imperfections of reality.

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