Just Enough Crunch

Motherhood is hard. In the age of social media it can be so intensely isolating. I meet moms every week that want to know why we dont talk about the hard stuff more. Why dont we comfort each other by sharing our mom insecurities. Why do we all pretend it's easy? After the 3rd hour of trying to get the kids to sleep, I ended up driving them around for 90 minutes. I would say about 79 of those minutes at least one of them if not both were crying. It was brutal... and I will be real I sobbed the whole time too. Gone are the days of just worrying about ourselves, and the tired we felt at 22 is the rested we wish for now. But it's in these moments we grow. we become more well seasoned moms. One day we will beg our kids to spend more time with us. And ache for the snuggles they use for leverage right now to avoid going to bed. This does not mean it's easy or that one day you will say it was all worth it. All it means is that motherhood is hard. That mother you ...

Hey it's me. A girl that cares way to much about what people think. I am an overthinker. And overcarer. And an eternal optimist. If I was standing naked in a courtyard and someone else said they were cold, I would find a shirt for them before myself. I am extra like that. I aim to make others happy, yet struggle to find my voice to do the same for myself. thus why i am doing all the therapy right now. like for rea,l Mondays I spend almost three hours in therapy between my own, kensie's, and parent therapy. It's intense. My therapist says I am that person who has all the plates spinning on sticks and i am just trying to keep them all spinning. One is bound to break... It's just figuring out which one you want to protect vs. the ones you want to let go.... a few plates have been broken recently and its been a tough adjustment. Recently, I made a huge decision leaving behind a business people knew me for. A business that paid our bills. A business that gave me a platform ...

I have grown up at a pool. I have never been uncomfortable in a bathingsuit. Like ever. I am more comfortable in a bathingsuit then normal clothes. Then this year happened. For the first time in my life I didnt want to wear a bathingsuit. I couldn't even find one that fit me right. I went swimming once in a suit this year. Once. At the place I worked in a bathingsuit for 5 years I found myself hiding in the water. Constantly pulling it down. Making sure I was covered. Snd t hat was it. I would send Ryan with the girls and I would make excuses why I couldn't go. It went on for a few weeks. Then Ryan called me out. In that moment I knew I was in a dark place. My hatred for my body was so extreme that I was not doing my most favorite things in life. I have recently made some life changes that are about me getting back to me. All the therapy, a new eating lifestyle, ketones, and all the self love via personal development. So today when I tried on another one p...

This is me in the raw. An accidental picture taking while attempting to take a pic of something else. You aren't taught how to be self confident it's just something you have to figure out on your own. Being an overweight child I never had any self confidence. I battled bullying, feeling like I didn't fit in, and depression. Transitioning to a teenager was worse. I starved myself, cut myself, battled with a drinking problem and a constant voice in my head telling me why bot her going on. Being in a string of bad relationships taught me that I didn't matter. I was broken, depressed and slowly killing myself with toxins. I tired different things to fix it, moved to NYC and then Europe, bought a fancy car I couldn't afford, made some irresponsible decisions, and drank far too much. Things got better when I met my husband. I learned what a healthy relationship was. The hard part was we were two depressed people that found happiness together. We found...

Anxiety is something Is surrounding me lately. I hear people talking about. I see posts of people overcoming it. I watch the bashing going on about to medicate or treat homeopathically. I feel the shame of being one of those people. You know the people that get questioned, have you tried eating this, drinking this, smelling that. And yes I have tried it all. You know what keeps me sane? Zoloft. A small green pill. That is what brings my body back to homeostasis.   Why does this small pill come with such shame? If I had a heart condition I wouldn’t be shamed for taking medicine for that. But when a woman, yes I am narrowing this down to women now, show that they need some help, it is met with such shame. Sadly this means a lot of women suffer in silence. Today the tv was on in background I heard them talking about Ryan Reynolds and how he is sharing his journey with anxiety. The commenters were questioning if he really knows what anxiety is? He is ...

Tuesday night was our first 911 call in this house. One of the main reasons we rented this house was to be closer to the hospitals, closer to family that could care for us in our time of need, closer for life basically.   I remember sitting in the hospital in august meeting some of the emergency personal that responded to my grandfather’s side, and telling them about our sweet Varrick. I told them all, it will be crazy and then she will be happy. Please just be there to support us in our crazy. Please calm Kensie.   Please just be there. But then we never had to call.  We were able to support her at home. Drive ourselves into the hospital when we knew she needed more than what we could give her. He has asked me numerous times do you think she is growing out of it? Its been a while since blank has happened… I comfort him by saying yes, knowing in my head it just a matter of time…. Tuesday it was fine until it wasn’t. She hadn’t napped that day ...

These words that I will share with you are from the depths of my soul, so I ask you to be kind. I ask for you simply move on if you cannot be supportive. Because these words I am sharing with you, are not for me, they are for a friend that is struggling with the stigma that comes with this topic. My name is Kendra and I take anti depressants. Funny story, they don’t make you not depressed, they don’t take away the pain. They provide me clarity. Some balance in the tornado of my life. They allow me to look at our life objectively. the day I went to the doctors I didn’t go for that reason. I convinced myself I was fine. That I was managing just fine. I went to ask for help because my wellness journey was stalled. I have been unable to lose a pound since having Varrick. If I did see a dip in the scale, it would shoot up 8-10 pounds the next few days. I was working out every day, eating according to my meal plan. I was following the directions but the recipe was still turning out ...